Speech Wedding Ibiza on Saturday 24 September

Dear [bridegroom], [bride] and family and friends of the bride and bridegroom, we have gathered on this beautiful island and in this wonderful house to be festively involved in the wedding ceremony of [bridegroom] and [bride]. I am pleased that I have been asked to address a short word to the bridal couple and to all of you on this special occasion.

Now, a speech during a wedding party should above all enable us to think emphatically about the celebrated couple. Therefore, I will not focus on the anecdotical or accidental, but on what essentially concerns the bridal couple as a bridal couple, namely the meaning of marriage. What is the essence of marriage? The essence of marriage is undeniably love, and therefore the wedding ceremony that we are allowed to witness today is nothing less than an ode to love. That’s why there seems to be nothing more appropriate for me as a speaker than to pronounce a small ode to love within today’s great ode to love. So, what about love?

Michel Houellebecq notes that given the nature of modernity there is hardly any room left for love, but that the ideal of love is still undiminished. This ideal cannot diminish because as an ideal it is outside of time. Now, not only the ideal of love, but even love itself is outside of time. Love is not of this world. It suddenly enters into our lives from a transcendent if not divine origin. In fact, in our secularized world, only love still reminds us of the sacred ground of our very existence. In this ground we find the answer to the ultimate question.

What is the meaning of life? The meaning of life is love. Love is light. Love is life. That’s why for example In Terrence Malick's movie The Tree of Life, Mrs. O'Brien proclaims: "Unless you love, your life will flash by." And that’s why Mozart has it that love is the soul of genius and thus the source of all creativity and creation. But also, in Lars von Trier's movie Nymphomaniac, Joe states: “The secret ingredient of sex is love.” Even in logic, love is vital. For we must love logical consistency in order to reject the inconsistencies that human reason brings to light.

Ultimately, love even goes above truth. The medieval philosopher Augustine teaches that the object of truth is love and not the other way around. Whoever puts truth above love does so because of a love for truth, so that still love takes precedence over truth. That’s why, given the choice, Dostoevsky chooses love and not truth. Because life is bigger. And also the apostle Paul chooses love over truth in 1 Corinthians 13. I quote: “If I have all powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have no love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, but have no love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love bears all things and endures all things. Love never ends. So now faith, hope and love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” So love is truly the ultimate ground of our existence. And if God is love and if we are God’s image, as the Bible proclaims, then the true purpose of our life must be love. We shall love.

But what then is the essence of marital love? Kierkegaard compares marital to erotic and romantic love. Erotic love is merely instantaneous immediacy. The lovers are absorbed in the moment. This love has a moment of eternity in it, but this is only the momentary eternity of the moment of temptation. The romantic lovers on the other hand believe that their love is identical to their loving feelings. Feeling love and loving the other is just one and the same. When the feeling is gone, the commitment is gone. So, romantic love has not been really put to the test. It reveals an illusory and not a real quality of eternity. Only marital love has a genuine moment of eternity within it. In the ritual of the wedding ceremony, the lovers pledge unconditional commitment to each other, thus confirming the existential infinity of their love in the sight of all. Marriage is thus the true poetic. As a love that is unconditionally committed to the ideal of eternity, beyond mere erotic immediacy and beyond mere romantic feelings, marital love most closely resembles the ultimate ideal of divine love.

True marital love aims at unity. For example, as Emily Brontë states in Wuthering Heights: “He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” So, both lovers want to be together one in being. Therefore marital love is also a form of serene and caring love. But marriage is never oppressive. The lovers never try to own and to pin down each other’s souls. For marital love also includes the erotic. It is never standstill water. Marital love is a sparkling and not a flat unity. Both lovers continuously inspire each other without ever wanting to take possession of each other’s souls. Throughout their lives, they continue to meet each other afresh because they recognize each other as the meaningful and autonomous other. As the Dutch poet Kopland writes: “Who are you, I say, we have already had a life together and I still have to think, dear who are you?” Indeed. By meeting the other as other, both lovers continue to surprise and renew each other. In this way, marital love remains poetic and vital, so as to actually and truly realize the aforementioned divine ideal of love. And precisely this, [bridegroom] and [bride], is my genuine and heartfelt wish for both of you. Thank you for your attention.

The name of the bride and bridegroom have been anonymized for privacy reasons